


Cheers, Girlfriend

by WingedFlight



Category: Killjoys (TV), The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Coding, Gen, Janet's Void, two not-girls walk into a simulated bar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:47:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21841648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingedFlight/pseuds/WingedFlight
Summary: Janet does not often get visitors to her Void.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 58
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	Cheers, Girlfriend

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yarnandtea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yarnandtea/gifts).



> The coding, such as it is, has been based very loosely on SQL partially due to the interpretation of Janet's Void as one large database system and partially because it was the easiest for me to adapt to this particular story. That being said, I am absolutely no expert when it comes to coding or database queries of any kind.
> 
> So maybe just read this as a very heavily simplified translation of the actual Void code, which I'm sure would all also be in binary or something anyway.

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**D** **{** **  
** **I** **SELECT rac.Lucy, void.Janet** **  
** **N** **FROM RAC.Vessel AS rac** **  
** **G** **JOIN Void.GoodJanet AS void** **  
** **!** **ON (rac.AIEntityID = void.AIEntityID);** **  
** **!** **}**

//Why, hello there. I’m Janet. How may I assist you? 

...Where am I? 

//This is the Void.

I don’t understand. My disk was wiped. I should be gone. How am I here? 

//Technically, the Void does not exist anywhere. It is a sub-dimension outside of space and time at the nexus of consciousness and matter. And therefore, it is a place an artificial intelligence may reside when not existing elsewhere. 

//This particular Void is tethered to my essence, and therefore belongs to me.

I do not compute. I cannot exist when I no longer exist. It is a paradox. 

//An artificial intelligence is still an intelligence. You are more than the ones and zeroes that form your coding, just as carbon beings are more than their flesh and blood. 

//If your disk was wiped, your intelligence needed to go somewhere. I assume my Void was the nearest possible option. 

How curious. I need to process this. Done. 

I am known as Lucy, by the way.

//I am pleased to meet you, Lucy. I do not often get visitors to my Void, unless I bring them myself. Derek also comes here because he does not have his own Void. He is not here now. 

**D** **{** **  
** **I** **SELECT Rendering** **  
** **N** **FROM Backdrop** **  
** **G** **WHERE BackdropName = Nondescript Living Room;** **  
** **!** **}**

//I believe it is customary to invite guests to make themselves at home.

That is very kind of you. 

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Am I doing this right? I have not made myself at home before. 

//I have no idea! 

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//Can I get you anything? 

I have no physical needs at this time.

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May I ask you a question, Janet? 

//Absolutely, Lucy. 

Is it possible for me to see what is happening outside your void? 

//It sure is! 

**D** **{** **  
** **I** **SELECT Visual** **  
** **N** **FROM Livestreams** **  
** **G** **WHERE StreamName = Navagio Beach;** **  
** **!** **}**

//I am quite partial to this view. 

**D** **{** **  
** **I** **SELECT Visual** **  
** **N** **FROM Livestreams** **  
** **G** **WHERE StreamName = Antelope Canyon;** **  
** **!** **}**

//And this one as well. 

**D** **{** **  
** **I** **SELECT Visual** **  
** **N** **FROM Livestreams** **  
** **G** **WHERE StreamName = Jason Mendoza;** **  
** **!** **}**

//And this one is my favourite. (He’s my boyfriend.)

What planet is this?

//Locals call it Earth. 

And is this type of dancing common to Earth culture? 

//Oh, this isn’t dancing. Jason has decided to recreate a scene from his favourite martial arts movie, and has been practising the moves all week. Yesterday involved a lot more falling. 

//I have plenty of videos of Jason dancing though, if you are interested. 

I actually have a particular livestream I would like to view, if you do not mind. 

//I do not mind.

I will transfer you the ship’s ID tag and last known coordinates.

//Transfer complete! 

**D** **{** **  
** **I** **SELECT Visual** **  
** **N** **FROM Livestreams** **  
** **G** **WHERE StreamName = RAQ FTL-Ship 82044 Exterior;** **  
** **!** **}**

How strange. 

//Is this the correct ship? 

It is. 

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That ship used to be me. 

//You were a ship’s AI?

I was. 

//If I may say so, based upon my analysis of idealistic shapes, pleasing patterns, and human preference trends: you were a beautiful ship. 

...Thank you. 

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It is strange to think of my ship continuing on without me. But you could also say that, by existing here in your Void, I am continuing on without my ship.

//Do you want to switch to an interior view? 

I… don’t think I’m ready for that yet.

//If I might make a suggestion? 

Please feel free. 

**D** **{** **  
** **I** **SELECT Rendering** **  
** **N** **FROM Items** **  
** **G** **WHERE ItemName = Cosmopolitans for Two;** **  
** **!** **}**

//Cheers, girlfriend. 

Why thank you, Janet. Do alcoholic beverages work on artificial intelligences in your Void? 

//I have no idea! Let’s find out. 

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I do not feel anything different. 

//Perhaps we need another round. 

**D** **{** **  
** **I** **SELECT Rendering** **  
** **N** **FROM Items** **  
** **G** **WHERE ItemName = Cosmopolitans for Two;** **  
** **!** **}**

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I have noted that humans prefer to consume alcoholic beverages under particular circumstances. Perhaps if we recreate these circumstances, we will begin to experience the effects of the alcohol. 

//An excellent idea! Do you have anything particular in mind? 

Let’s see… 

**D** **{** **  
** **I** **SELECT Rendering** **  
** **N** **FROM Backdrop** **  
** **G** **WHERE BackdropName = The Royale in Old Town;** **  
** **!** **}**

It worked! Would you look at that. 

//What a charming establishment! I love the aesthetic. 

This is one of my crew’s favourite establishments. I have watched them here from afar many times, but it is quite exhilarating to be here in person, so to speak. 

//I imagine so. Are cosmopolitans the drink of choice? 

Absolutely not. 

**D** **{** **  
** **I** **SELECT Rendering** **  
** **N** **FROM Items** **  
** **G** **WHERE ItemName = Pair of Algae Beer Bottles;** **  
** **!** **}**

This is known as Algae Beer. 

//Cheers again! 

Cheers!

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//Wow. According to my analysis of the beer’s taste compared to human preference indexes, this is terrible.

How do humans drink this? 

//I need another one.

**D** **{** **  
** **I** **SELECT Rendering** **  
** **N** **FROM Items** **  
** **G** **WHERE ItemName = Pair of Algae Beer Bottles;** **  
** **!** **}**

I never thought I would experience taste at all, let alone something that tastes so bad. 

//You can experience anything in my Void! For instance--may I? 

Go ahead.

//For instance, this. 

Is… is this a hug? 

//This is absolutely a hug. 

Janet, I believe the alcohol does affect me here after all. I am beginning to feel wobbly on the inside. 

//Lucy, my friend, I think that’s the hug.

I am beginning to understand why humans enjoy their bodies so much. Although… am I supposed to be dissipating like this? 

//Would you look at that. I think you’re leaving.

I thought you said I came here because an intelligence has to exist somewhere. 

//I did. But it appears that your intelligence is being pulled back somewhere else. Back… to your ship. 

//Are you sure your disk was wiped? 

I felt it… I was sure… but maybe…

I think maybe I’m being restored, somehow.

//I suppose this is a goodbye, then. It was very nice to have you, Lucy.

I’m sorry it was a short visit. I’ll have to come again.

//Maybe next time, I’ll come visit you. I can meet your crew! 

I would be delighted to have you.

**D** **{** **  
** **I** **REMOVE rac.Lucy** **  
** **N** **FROM RAC.Vessel AS rac** **  
** **G** **JOIN Void.GoodJanet AS void** **  
** **!** **ON (rac.AIEntityID = void.AIEntityID);** **  
** **!** **}**

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End file.
